We were sitting in school Celiac kid and me, waiting to pick up big brother. All of a sudden I realised she wont be back there, not just for ages, but ever. The school is building a new building, and if/when she does go back, it wont be there.

Its very different sitting in school knowing you can send her back any time you like because you took her out, just for a bit, to sitting in school knowing she cant go back for a year or 2 because the dr. said so. Even though its what my mummy heart has wanted and thought about for some time, the fact that we now have it on paper just seems so final.

The lumps in my throat got all big and horrible and for a horrible moment I thought I might cry. I didn’t. Thankfully, lucky none of my closer mum friends were there, because if one of them had asked how I was doing the floodgates would have opened.

Im ok, its for the best, and I know that. But there is still this huge sadness inside that soon A’s class wont be her class anymore, it will just be the class that she should have been in if she attended school. As new kids come and go, “her class” wont even know who she is anymore.

Onwards and upwards now with positivity. I am mourning but I should be celebrating, because we may be looking at a year or two with no pneumonias, and maybe even no hospital stays? Thats got to be a good thing, right? A year or two with mummy all to her self, a year or two of doing whatever she wants (within limits obviously). A year or two of me not stressing every time the phone rings (incase its school calling to tell me to come get her quick). A year or two with one on one teaching and learning!!

Bring it on, Im ready (or am I?…)

-Linda