‘Mummy, when Im a grown up, will I be able to eat gluten?’
I knew it would probably come, one day, but yet when it did I wasn’t ready. I didn’t expect to feel so sad, I didn’t expect to feel so bloody hurt, for her!
We have had many questions, and statements, and she’s so smart, so clever, she ‘gets it’. ‘Is autinka Celiac like me mummy?’, ‘When big brother was a baby he could eat gluten right?’, ‘I know big brother can eat gluten, just not at home, because we dont want gluten in our house‘. Etc etc etc. So why then did the question surprise me? And why on earth did I feel so sad…?
I don’t miss my relationship with gluten, I haven’t touched it for almost as long as she has, the last time I had it I felt awful, so its no big deal for me. But Im an adult. I got to grow up eating what I wanted. And although she is so amazingly cool with everything right now, I am in mourning for the things she wont ever get to do. She wont get to do the spontaneous pizza at midnight after the cinema, the kebab after the pub, the walking past a greggs the baker and buying a bag of donut holes and scoffing them all in one go, instead, she has to grow up and be careful, always prepared, plan everything, and although we have a great life and we are OK…. its obviously not going to be easy for her growing up, being different in your pre teens and teens is what we all strived NOT to be.
I hope by hanging out with as many Celiacs as we do that she can continue to feel that what she has is as normal as freckles or a wonky toe. I really really hope so. But deep inside I am so sad for her 😦