Oh gosh, I didn’t blog for ages! I think Im having a small identity crisis. While the blog is gluten free, and I want it to be informative and full of recipes for Celiacs etc, I am not feeling very in tune with all that at all at the moment, all I want to write about is zebra stuff and positive things and what we are thinking and doing. And thats not very glutenfreey, so then I don’t write at all. Strange huh? My blog my rules?
I can sense a name change coming up…
Things are good, and then they aren’t. Our life is, as always so filled with worry. But also, lets not forget, we are a family trying very hard to be a normal family. We are a normal family. Only, for us, normal takes a bit more work.
Zebra kid finally got sick, first a pukey bug and then less then 2 weeks later the cold came, the cold that I knew would go to her chest, the one that had me running to Dr D telling him to help before she even had the pneumonia. So we did the steroids, strongest dose she’s ever had, day 3 she was better and I thought we were out of the woods, only for day 4 to send us back to Dr D for an ultrasound on her lungs, blood tests at 11pm and our usual crazy crap. Day 5 I packed and by 1pm we were in hospital. I had the most amazing support from our specialists on the phone the whole time, they put us in the immunology ward where we know everybody and we – obviously – got our own room. They all remember the January 2 years ago all to well. All of this, it was ok. It sucked obviously, but Im like this well oiled machine now and we just do it. Zebra girl missed her Christmas concert, which of course means I missed my sons Christmas concert.
Then, then they let us come home. And the Christmas tree that I put up on the day 3 (after it had been lying on the floor for almost a week) was up, and no gifts had been bought and it all sucked so so bad and I just didnt care! I smiled, I laughed, I got on with things without stressing.
I crammed that big 7 year old heffalump zebra of mine in to her pushchair and we went to the mall, people stared and I smiled.
Because you know what, they are judging me, but its ok, I don’t need to care, it doesnt need to hurt me, because I know what they dont, and if they knew too they wouldnt be judging! Them judging me does. not. hurt. me.
I am letting go, of this and other things. And so often its so hard (to let go) and I want to smack them in the head, but it doesn’t matter! I don’t need to be hurt by it, I need to just think in my head how they would react if they knew, because if they did they would smile too, that we are out and we are ok, and we are choosing to live and go shopping!
All this is stuff I realised since my last post.
We sent Zebra kid to school and the deal was – if school doesn’t work we move country. We move to sun and beach and pools and warmth. Because those things make me happy, those things make my kids happy. And with all this negativity crap going on, its hard sometimes to be happy, so we need to surround ourselves with love and light and positivity.
Then. School was ok. School was ok and she was fine….?! And we were like… hang on, hold up, WTF? She’s not going to get sick? Its OCTOBER…… hell, its NOVEMBER, she’s ok? WHAT THE…..????? And then we started looking for a house nearer school and then I realised my entire being doesn’t want to bloody be here. New house or not.
I love our school, our friends, our street, our neighbours. But those things are just a fraction of life here. The dark, the rain, it depresses me. The days we stay home gathering spoons I always end up wondering why exactly we are here. Our life could be better elsewhere. Closer to hubby, closer to the SUN. Closer to happiness?
I asked myself If I was running away. I asked the school counselor if she thought I was. She said no. That I knew what I was doing and I have good reasons (see, Im sane! HA!). (
Decisions were made. Before Zebras hospital stay. We are going. Life is not about counting down the days and weeks until the next planned hospital stay, and if thats how you have to live then at least I think we deserve some beach and palm trees nearby.
So whatever. No more excuses. We need to live and breathe and enjoy life. We need to walk around the shops and not get angry at judgy people. We need to walk in to shops where you are greeted with a smile. We need to smile at the sun.
All that other stuff, it needs to get in the back seat where it belongs, because the real important stuff is about making this life the best that we can. About being happy. About being a normal family and making it easier for ourselves to be that normal family.
So bring it on 2017. This expat zebra celiac family is on the move again! And I cant wait!