We have been gluten free for 5 years this week. 5 whole years! I remember it like it was yesterday. We were called in to the clinic, it was a Saturday morning, they had some results they said. Aili had been in and out of hospital, I was drained, mentally and physically. My life revolved around my screaming baby and lots of vomit.
We went in, the clinic was busy, lots of screaming kids, everyone was rushed. All the staff knew me by then, by voice, by name, by daughters name. We were ushered in to see the dr between two others who had appointments, it was rushed, no examination, papers handed over. I had been hoping it was lactose, but it wasn’t, it was gluten and my whole world was spinning.
We walked out, papers in hand. Gluten cant be in to many things right..? My son was hungry, my baby girl was hungry, we were in a mall and the mall was spinning. I let out a small sob. My drained self couldn’t cope. That small sob was it. My husband rolled his eyes and told me not to cry again, our life was a mess.
I never cried about gluten again. I cried many times since obviously, but not about gluten in particular.
We went to mc Donald’s. Son had a burger, Aili had some fries. No gluten in fries right…? We went home. We went home and nothing was the same again…..
It was good different though, not bad different, because the vomiting….? It stopped that day. Our girls life was saved that day. It continued to be saved every day since.
I look back at that day now, and I feel sorry for the exhausted mum that I was, and I wish I could have given that mum a hug and told her it will all be ok, that its only hard at first, and that life will get better now. I wish I could hold that mum and tell her to cry it all out, get it over and done with – the crying. I wish I could go back and smile at that mum and encourage her, because back then, going gluten free seemed like such a huge huge task, keeping my baby girl safe seemed so impossible.
I was so tired from months of illness and hospital and clinic visits that any task – no matter how small- would have seemed impossible that day.
We did it, of course. I did back then what I still to this day do with all the new stuff. I learned everything I needed to learn, I got on with it, I looked forwards and upwards and onwards and I remained as positive as I possibly could, and I have, almost every day since. Even in my darkest deepest moments of despair, I am still a very glass half full kind of girl.
Gluten now, 5 years later seems like such a minor thing compared to all the things we are facing today. Sure, its hard still, but its second nature, I have done it for so long it no longer bothers me.
If you are that mum that I was that day, today, tomorrow, yesterday… please know this. It gets easier. Really. It really really does.
Happy 5 years to us!
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